My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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