My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
