Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Randomize
