Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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