why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
the day after is always just damage control
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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