you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
