So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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