I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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