it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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