Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
