Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Randomize
