Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
