he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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