Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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