my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
