Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
