Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
