His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
farters have to be the big spoon...
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
