the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
