You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
