watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
