During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
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