I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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