Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
