He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
two words...techno handjob
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
