I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
