To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
