Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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