i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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