I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
