I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
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