I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
