dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
