it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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