yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
