i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
