i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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