wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
