Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
wanna go halves on a baby?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
