Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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