Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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