That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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