k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
