Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
