I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
