You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
This is the high leading the old right now
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
