i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
