do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
