if only i could text you this smell
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
