miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
