I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
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