your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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