hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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