i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
