Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
