In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize
