did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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