I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
is wine microwaveable?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
