At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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