I wanna bring you to show and tell
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
