one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
