just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
