im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
