Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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