I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
