Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
