Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
