wrigley field is MILF paradise
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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