thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
