I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
