so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
