you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize