Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
he puts the penis in happiness.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
