In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Randomize
