I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
