What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
