We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
